


Kyouya vs. The Cockroach

by Fanfiction_King, trixie_moon



Series: Word-Play [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bugs & Insects, Children of Characters, Comedy, Don't Try This At Home, Episode: s02e02 The Depths, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Improvised Weaponry, Kyouya is utterly terrified of bugs, M/M, Mentions of Baku, Naoki is obsessed with it, bathtime, happy birthday kyouya, improvised flamethrower to be specific, mentioned sakusa kiyoomi, mentions of Komori Kai, mentions of voltron, the Big Evil Meanie Worm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25933744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfiction_King/pseuds/Fanfiction_King, https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixie_moon/pseuds/trixie_moon
Summary: Kyouya and Naoki are enjoying bathtime. That is, until a cockroach decides to ruin everything for Kyouya. Again.How very typical.
Relationships: Hishino Kosuke/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Original Male Characters(s)
Series: Word-Play [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874422
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: Creative Chaos Discord Recs





	1. The Bug

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck Kai

Kyouya and Naoki were enjoying a calm, peaceful bath. Or at least as calm and peaceful it could be when your little brother demanded you be, “Baku! The big evil meanie worm that wants to eat the paladins!”

“Oki, why do you want me to be the big evil meanie worm?” asked Kyouya confusedly.

“Because!” explained Naoki with all the seriousness of a five-year-old that knew he was in the right, “You’re big and you tickle me and your body is all floppy like a worm!”

“But I’m not mean, Oki. And I’m not evil,”

“Yeah, but Kai’s not here so he can’t be Baku. And you’re still more bigger than him!”

Kyouya hummed, letting a black curl fall into his eyes. He puffed at it, pulling it back in a sort of pineapple-esque ponytail. “Hmm...I guess that’s true,” he said. “I  _ am _ more bigger than Kai. Big enough to  _ tickle you! _ ”

Naoki’s giggles bounced off the white tile walls of the bathroom. “Kyou-nii, no tickles!” he shouted, trying to flee his brother’s nimble fingers. His grey eyes were squeezed shut with mirth.

“Aww, really? Is the Black Paladin afraid of a little tickles?” teased Kyouya, “He doesn’t like Baku?”

“N-No!” squeaked Naoki as Kyouya tickled him mercilessly. “St-Stop, Kyou-nii!”

“But you’re not being a good boy for Daddy and Oto-san,” reasoned Kyouya. “You promised to have a bath while they were on their date tonight. And then we were gonna call the twins and Toshi and watch Voltron! But we won’t get to if you don’t have a bath  _ now _ ,”

* * *

Naoki sank in the tub, his brown hair floating in a halo around him. “Hmph...” He knew Kyouya wouldn’t worry anymore. After he did it the first thirteen times and was fine, Naoki gave up on scaring Kyou-nii with it. On the other hand, the boy found the action relaxing. 

Kyouya smiled fondly at his little brother under the bubbly bathwater. This was peaceful. He liked it. Nothing would ruin this bonding experience for him. Even if Kai came, Kyouya would be calm as a clam in the bathroom. 

It was cold, but not without a source of warmth, and it left a comfortable feeling when he sank into the water after a grueling practice that left his body burning. The design was sleek and modern, but not at all uninviting. This bathroom was Kyouya’s favorite room in the entire apartment.

That is, of course, were there not a cockroach in the bathroom.

* * *

Naoki saw the insect first. “Kyou-nii, there’s a bug,” he said blithely, pointing right at the cockroach, seemingly unbothered by the creature.

Kyouya, who was scrolling through photographs that the twins had posted of their latest visit to New York, did not notice, simply mumbling, “That’s nice, Oki.”

“No, Kyou-nii! A bug! A real bug!! Look, it’s--ooh, it’s coming this way!” said Naoki excitedly, wet hands grabbing at his brother’s white Adlers shirt.

Kyouya finally looked up form his phone. Seeing the cockroach, Kyouya let out an unholy shriek. The sixteen-year-old only had one thought.  _ Burn it _ .

“Oki...I-I am going to need you to stay in the water,” said Kyouya shakily. “No going outside yet,”

“Are you gonna take the bug outside?” asked Naoki, still fixated on the cockroach. “‘Cause I wanted to watch it more,”

“Oki, bugs don’t belong inside houses. Or bathrooms. I’m getting rid of it,”

Kyouya stood up, trying to avoid the insect on the floor. He opened the cabinets above the sink, searching for the hairspray he used to keep his curls at bay.  _ Found it.  _

He grabbed the white can as well as some duct tape and a lighter that the Sakusa-Hishino family used for lighting aromatic candles. Kyouya taped the lighter and hairspray together, making sure both were turned on. 

* * *

He cautiously approached the cockroach, which was no longer in front of the tub and instead square in the middle of the room. Kyouya shuddered, a chill running up and down his spine. “O-Oki, I need you to get down again, okay?”

“Okay! Don’t kill the bug!”

_ Does using a flamethrower count as killing? _

“I-I won’t,” said Kyouya. “J-Just...uh, get in,”

Kyouya didn’t move again until he knew Naoki was no longer able to see him. He carefully lined up the flamethrower and the insect, kneeling on the floor and bracing himself against the counter.  _ It’s now or never.  _

He pulled the trigger, a huge flame roaring out of the canister, leaving his hands hot and sore and his face red and blotchy. 

But the cockroach was gone. Dead, really. That was all that Kyouya cared about. “Y-You can come out now, Oki.”

“Ya—KYOU-NII!”

“What now, Oki?”

“YOU KILLED THE BUG! You said you weren’t gonna kill it!”

“But I don’t like bugs, Naoki. And you don’t like fish.”

“I like fish! When they’re dead! Alive fish are scary and gross and Kai said I was a fish because I’m slimy and gross and like swimming!”

“Well,” said Kyouya patiently, using a paper towel to dispose of the insect ashes, “Kai says I’m a bug because I’m long and creepy and I like to hide,”

“Hmph! He’s wrong! And a big meanie!!”

“I know, I know,” said Kyouya. He turned around to face Naoki, but Naoki burst into giggles. 

“Kyou-nii, you look silly!”

“What? Why?”

“Look in the mirror!”

Kyouya did as his little brother instructed. “Huh.” he said. He was missing part of his left eyebrow. “Oki, where’s Dad’s eyebrow pencil?”

“Daddy keeps it in a secret drawer in his bathroom!”

“Okay. Well, I don’t really wanna be in here anymore. I need to clean it first. But we can finish your bath the—Naoki!”

“What?!” asked the five year old. He’d pulled himself out of the tub, wrapping his pale little body neatly into his hooded weasel towel. “I’m ready to go to Daddy and Oto-san’s bathroom!”

“Y-Yeah, but I thought you’d want me to take you out,” said Kyouya, who was still scrubbing at the stain left on the floor.  _ I’ll probably have to call the cleaning company. Oto-san won’t be happy.  _

“I’m five! Not a baby, Kyou-nii! C’mon, c’mon! Let’s go!”

“All right. But no more bugs.”

“No more bugs! But you have to promise not to burn them!”

“Okay, I promise I won’t burn them.”


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part II
> 
> \--
> 
> Happy Birthday Kyouya!

That was the end of it, or so they thought. Their parents returned home from their date. No one went to the bathroom. The stain remained hidden. 

Everything was fine.

So why was Kyouya so worried when Kosu--no. Dad, was calling him to the bathroom?

“Uh, y-yes?” asked Kyouya, shyly peering in, looking much smaller than his actual nearly six-and-a-half feet height. “S-D’ya need something?”

Kosuke was standing in front of the cabinet, quizzically turning something in his hand.

“Mh? Yes, Kyouya,” said Kosuke, keeping his voice at a calm, neutral pitch. He turned around, wielding the implement, which Kyouya recognized. A chill ran down his spine. _Dad’s eyebrow pencil._

“You used my eyebrow pencil,” said Kosuke simply.

Kyouya swallowed the lump in his throat. “U-Um--”

Naoki ran up, peeking behind Kyouya’s legs. “Oh! Yes, Daddy! Kyou-nii used your eyebrow pencil cuz he made a flamethrower and killed a cockroach that was in the bathroom!”

“And I suppose that explains this mark on the floor?” asked Kosuke, tapping it with one slipper-clad foot. 

‘Yep!! He doesn’t like bugs, but that’s silly!”

Kyouya smiled awkwardly. Okay, it was true that his fear of insects was a bit...much, but when one had spent a large part of their formative years compared to an insect for their great flexibility, as well as greatly skinny frame...being compared to a bug was not enjoyable.

“Indeed, Oki,” said Kksuke, patting his son on the head.

Kyouya smiled a little wider and more awkwardly as he stepped away from the bathroom, intent on escaping this awkward situation. _Naoki, please be quiet._

But the five-year-old ignored Kyouya’s wish. Partially because, well. Naoki was five. Partially because the universe didn’t seem to like Kyouya very much. And also partially because it was Kyouya’s fault this all happened anyway, and he needed to have the consequences of his reckless action.

“And he used Daddy’s eyebrow pencil so it looks like he’s not missing his eyebrows like Daddy because Daddy has skinny eyebrows!” continued MNaoki with a giggle.

By now, Kyouya was sprinting to his father’s room on the other side of the apartment, intent on locking it and hiding in there. Kosuke didn’t mind. Kyouya was very predictable, unfortunately.

“All right, that’s enough Naoki,” he said, patting his son on the head, “Let’s go find Kyouya, And _please stop talking about my eyebrows!_ ”

“B-But Daddy! They’re skinny!”

Kosuke sighed and gave up. His eyebrows would be forever teased. _Oh well_.

There were more pressing matters, such as finding his stepson. Who was probably hiding with Kiyoomi, honestly. That’s what he’d be doing too, were Kosuke not a fan of bugs.

And as expected, Kyouya was hiding behind the pillows on his Oto-san’s bed. 

“Pl-Please don’t tell Dad,” said Kyouya, before burying himself behind the pillows.

“Of course,” replied Kiyoomi smoothly, working on his skincare routine in the vanity mirror. After a moment, he said. “You know, ‘Suke’s not upset with you, right, Ouya?”

"I used his eyebrow pencil though….”

“So? He’s not mad, Kyou. Annoyed, sure. But he thinks it’s embarrassing. I think it’s cute,”

"i-I'm missing half of my eyebrow!” protested Kyouya. “That's more embarrassing than skinny ones! An-and I almost set the bathroom on fire! You should be mad!"

Kiyoomi snorted and turned around, sitting on the bed with his son. “Well, ‘Ouya,” he said gently. “I’ve done far worse than you. I actually set a fire when I was four because i tried to do what you did. Honestly, I’d rather have a stain than no house,”

"well still! I-i shouldn't have done it around Oki..." said Kyouya sadly. 

“Okay, I agree with that. But it doesn’t mean you have to hide from Kosuke at all, Ouya. Worst he’ll do is ban you from using his products,”

"...yeah, guess I'll just have to buy my own eyebrow pencil," sighed Kyouya.

The pillows shifted, and he emerged from his cocoon to snuggle his father. “Thanks, Oto-san,”

“Of course, Kyouya,” replied Sakusa softly, hugging his son tightly.

The sweet moment was broken by something beaning Kyouya on the head before falling to the floor with a _clunk._

“Don’t have to, I already got you some. Think of it as an early birthday present,” smiled Kosuke. He had tossed the pack of makeup markers and pencils, which was what had made that sound. 

“O-Oh,” said Kyouya, dumbfounded. “Th-Thank you,”

“No problem, Kyouya. And, Omi, I called the cleaners, they’ll be here tomorrow,”

“Thanks, Kosuke.”

“No problem.”

The husbands smiled at one another and plopped on the bed together, leaving Kyouya undisturbed for now.

But he still felt a bit worried. Was this all Dad’s attempt to butter him up and spring a punishment on him later? That was really mean and unlike Kosuke...but Kyouya had still put his little brother in serious danger. He wouldn’t be surprised by that sort of thing at all.

So Kyouya did what he always did when he was anxious. Talk to his best friend, Haru. Haru wasn’t a fan of bugs either, and at least Kyouya would have a sympathetic set of eyes to look over his side of the story.

Or not.

_Bahahahaha_

_Omg_

_Deadass?_

_Yeah…_

_I did set the tile on fire…_

_But hey, dead bug?_

_LOLLLLL_

_Omg thats too funny_

_Rest in pieces, Omi-san’s bathroom_

_Rest in pieces_

_Um._

_But seriously_

_?_

_What’s up?_

_Um...Dad gave me a pack of makeup markers_

_And that was bc i used his…_

_But i still feel like its a trick_

_…_

_So yeah._

_Oh._

_Idk, suke-san’s always nice to toshi_

_Yeah but toshi & oki are best friends _

_And oki’s his kid_

_Im not…_

_Hmm._

_Just ask him tbh_

_Ok_

“U-Um...Dad?” asked Kyouya shyly, finally coming out of hiding. “A-Are you mad?”

“Kyouya,” chucked Kosuke. “No, I’d never be mad. A li’l annoyed we’ve got to clean it again, sure, but never mad. You guys are okay and that’s all I care about,”

“O-Oh...Thank you, Dad,”

“Of course. Now come snuggle with us. Naoki’s getting something he wants to show you too,”

“Yes!” Naoki ran in with a laugh. “I’m a pretty bug now, not an icky one!” 

He was dressed up like a butterfly, one of the few insects Kyouya could tolerate. It made Kyouya smile a bit.

“You remembered!”

"Of course! I love you!”

“I love you too,”

**Author's Note:**

> They are babie
> 
> A part 2 with parental reactions will be going up soon!


End file.
